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In this article I’m going to talk about issues surrounding saying yes when feeling no. Imagine that there is a perpetrator, a narcissist, who has perfected the art of manipulation, and a victim who has been broken in various ways by a long history of trauma and does not have the internal structure to say…

“Nothing can be loved into something” (song lyrics to Breathe by Seinabo Sey) To me this means that after removing the stain, the shame, of trauma there is nothing. In that empty space truth comes in and purity and from nothing grows something to be loved but before that the survivor feels unlovable. *** This…

What if the Victim Did Make Mistakes? Sometimes, trauma survivors do play some role in getting into situations in which they end up being traumatized, and it can be important to examine potential mistakes, naiveté, and self-sabotage, as one stage of the therapeutic process (generally after other, much more important, symptoms and issues are worked…

Why Do People Blame Trauma Victims? Why do Trauma Victims Blame Themselves? Here are 16 possible causes of both Blame the Victim (others blaming the trauma survivor for their traumas) and Internalized Blame the Victim Mentality (the trauma survivor blaming themselves): (Note: This is Part 6 of the Blame the Victim Series, originally entitled Blame…

This is Part 5 of the Blame the Victim Series. The daily battle trauma survivors are engaged in is many times completely not understood by people who have not been traumatized. The thing is, this lack of understanding makes total sense. It Makes Sense for a Non-traumatized Person to Blame a Traumatized Person for Their…

(Note: This is Part 4 of the Blame the Victim Series originally called Blame the Victim Part 4 – Trauma Symptoms Are Not Victims’ Fault) Ongoing Trauma Symptoms Are Technically Not The Trauma Survivor’s Fault Our Attitude and Learning Process around Handling our Triggers, our Physiological Reactions, are Within our Control but the Fact that…

Have You Unconsciously Internalized Blame the Victim Mentality Without Knowing It? This is a checklist of items to reflect on for trauma survivors. They don’t mean you necessarily have internalized any blame for the traumatic events or for your symptoms, but it’s possible. These are just things to think about. (Note: this article is of…

Blaming Trauma Survivors Harms Them “Self-blame is by far, the most devastating after effect of being sexually violated. This is particularly true for former victims of child sexual abuse and adult victims of sexual assault. In fact, ninety percent of rape trauma recovery is undoing a victim’s tendency to self-blame. Ten percent is everything else.”…

My friend David killed himself on the 13th of August. I found out when I was at work, in a room full of people I didn’t know, filming their stories of mental health hope and recovery, and David was dead, across the world, in a different time zone. I’d say it was ironic, but it…