On paper, holidays should be a dream. But for those of us with OCD, these breaks can feel anything but relaxing. Instead of slowing down, our minds often speed up, and we can quickly fill newly found hours meant for relaxing by revisiting old fears, generating new ones, and turning moments of calm into mental battlegrounds. Don’t ya love OCD?!
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. It’s annoying, VERY annoying, but learning why OCD is likely to surface for holidays helps us to recognise it, which in turn enables us to meet it head-on.
So let’s start at the beginning.
Here’s why OCD often intensifies during holidays:
OCD thrives on certainty and control, and our usual routines can be extremely reassuring because they help to create a sense of order and safety. Holidays, however, often disrupt these familiar patterns. A different bed, unfamiliar meals, a change in daily schedule – everything is new and unpredictable, and this can heighten anxiety.
Example: Someone might find themselves repeatedly checking the hotel door lock, struggling to feel secure in a new environment despite knowing it’s locked.
There’s pressure to feel happy
There’s a strong social narrative that holidays should be magical, but when your brain is wrestling with intrusive thoughts and compulsions, the expectation to feel joyful can feel really suffocating.
Example: During a celebratory gathering, a person may experience intrusive thoughts that clash with the cheerful atmosphere, leading them to withdraw or feel intense guilt for not feeling the way they’re “supposed” to.
3. More free time = more OCD time
Unstructured time, while relaxing for some, can be difficult for those of us with OCD. Without daily obligations or distractions, our minds can easily drift into obsessive thoughts and the OCD loop.
Example: While lounging by the pool, someone might begin mentally replaying a past conversation over and over, trying to determine if they said something wrong, rather than enjoying their surroundings.
4. Social triggers are everywhere
Holidays often involve increased social interaction with family dinners, group events, and gatherings with people you don’t see frequently. For those of us with OCD, especially those with contamination or relationship-based themes, this can be deeply triggering.
Example: At a shared holiday meal, a person might become fixated on whether they accidentally contaminated the food, leading to heightened anxiety and hypervigilance throughout the event.
So, What Can We Do About It?
While it’s true that the holidays can trigger an increase in OCD symptoms, there are strategies we can use to manage our anxiety. Here are some compassionate ways to manage your OCD during the holidays:
The holiday season can be a time of heightened expectations – both from others and from ourselves. Remember that it’s okay not to be perfect, and it’s okay not to meet every expectation. We need to show ourselves the same kindness and understanding that we would show a friend in the same situation. We need to recognise that our struggles are valid and be gentle with ourselves when things don’t go quite to plan.
If we get caught up in compulsions, we should try not to criticise ourselves. Instead of thinking, “I’m failing,” try saying, “I’m doing the best I can, and I’ll try again tomorrow.”
Plan Ahead and Set Boundaries
I’ve found one of the best ways to reduce holiday stress is to plan ahead. Take a moment to consider your holiday schedule and identify potential triggers that could cause your OCD to flare up. Setting realistic expectations for yourself is key. If you know that a particular family gathering is likely to trigger your OCD, consider setting a boundary beforehand, such as limiting the amount of time you spend there or opting out of certain activities that might increase your stress. Please remember that there is a fine line between setting self-care boundaries and engaging in compulsions, particularly avoidance. Hence, it’s essential to consider your reasons for making these choices and aim for balance.
If large family gatherings make you anxious, you might say, “I’m so glad to be here, but I need to leave by 8 PM.” This ensures that you’re taking care of your emotional well-being while still engaging with loved ones in a way that feels manageable.
Focus on What You Can Control
During the holidays, there’s often a sense of chaos and unpredictability. Focusing on what we can control, such as our response to triggers, our self-care routine, and our ability to say ‘no’ when needed, can help us feel more grounded. Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques to help us stay present in the moment rather than getting lost in obsessive thoughts.
When feeling overwhelmed, take a few minutes to focus on your breath. Inhale deeply for four counts, hold for four counts, and exhale for four counts. This simple breathing exercise can help you centre yourself and reduce anxiety in the moment. There’s more information about mindfulness in this blog and a chance to practise here.
If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group to help process your feelings and gain perspective. Just knowing that we’re not alone in your experience can provide comfort and relief.
If you’re feeling particularly stressed about a family event, talking to your therapist beforehand can help you navigate your feelings and develop a plan for managing your symptoms. You can always take helpful self-care books or therapy notes with you!
Conclusion
Holidays may bring additional stress and anxiety for those of us living with OCD, but with self-compassion, planning, and the proper support, it’s possible to manage our symptoms and enjoy being away. Remember, it’s totally okay to take a step back, set boundaries, and adjust our expectations to suit our needs.
By prioritising our well-being and taking things one step at a time, we can create a holiday experience that works for us, not one that exacerbates our OCD.
If you’re about to go on holiday, please take loads of care of yourself and allow yourself the space to breathe.
Sending loads of love as always,
I often used to take little self-care packs away with me on holiday so I could top up if needed. If you’d like to do the same, please check out our bright and compassionate resources. Covering self compassion, growth, acceptance, plus loads more. We have a children’s and young people’s section coming very soon, so please keep an eye out for that!
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