From Dr. David Laing Dawson
Thank you for your invitation to secede from Canada and join the United States.
I have always wanted to:
1. Reduce my life expectancy by 7 years
2. Give up universal health care.
3. Increase my chance of dying in a car accident by a factor of 2.5.
4. Increase my chance of dying from gun shot by a factor of 8.
5. Increase my chance of being imprisoned by a factor of 4.
6. Increase our maternal death rate by a factor of 2.
7. Increase our infant mortality rate at least 50%.
8. Lose my old age security and government pension.
9. Ensure my grandchildren do not get a good free public education
10. Reduce the chance that they go to a college or university
11. Cut their minimum wage in half.
12. Ensure that more of the food they eat is unhealthy.
13. Increase the chance of being robbed or mugged.
14. Pay for the paramedics and ambulance after being mugged.
15. Have heavily armed men in black gear and masks roaming my neighbourhood.
16. Have the fluoride taken out of my drinking water and replaced by lead.
17. Be sent a bill for $20,000 dollars from the hospital after my last visit.
18. Make sure the women in my family receive no reproductive health care.
19. Ensure a grandchild who becomes pregnant at 14 has to give birth.
20. Lower all car emission standards, produce more CO2
21. Open up our national parks and forests to the oil and mining companies.
22. Dramatically expand our national debt.
23. No longer be welcomed in other countries.
24. Start a few unnecessary wars.
25. Give our government over to bigots, clowns, racists, and fascists.
26. Boast about being the greatest whatever.
27. Erase any uncomfortable history. Rewrite the rest.
28. Persecute some minority group or other.
29. Have nuclear weapons armed and ready in my neighbourhood.
30. Forget the threat of global warming. Burn some coal.
31. Give up on science and Darwin and go back to God, Noah and Adam.
32. Stop paying teachers a decent wage.
33. Install armed guards at all our schools.
34. Feel unsafe in our cities when the sun sets.
35. Give up due process and habeas corpus.
36. Build concentration camps in every county.
37. Ensure our billionaires can afford at least two yachts and two jets.
And maybe most importantly, be allowed to permanently park an old rusted-out pickup truck in my front yard.
