Cancer Support India: How to Be Liked

Cancer Support India: How to Be Liked


Did you know that there is one special rule
to making people naturally like you? Former Special FBI agent, Jack
Schafer has written a new book The Like Switch, detailing just how
exactly this is possible. His many years working undercover, gaining
confidence, has made him an expert in the art of being liked. The rule
that he worked so hard to perfect is: make the other person like
themselves. 

Knowing this is one thing, but putting it
into practice requires several strategies, which you too can master.
Learning these will not make you some devious actor, but actually a more
social, sympathetic and emotional person. All you need to do is
understand these 6 strategies and start to try them out in your daily
conversations. 

 

1. Make a deliberate error

 

likeability, spy

We naturally try to go about our day making
as few mistakes as possible, partly because we do not want to make
ourselves vulnerable to attack from other people. However, this
vulnerability can actually be a weapon you can use to make yourself more
approachable. Schafer works as a lecturer now and often begins a new
semester by making a simple speech mistake of some kind, as if by
accident. As someone corrects him, he acts as though he’s embarrassed. 

 

Jack says this technique achieves three aims. First of all, by
correcting our error, the other person feels strengthened and confident.
Secondly, they feel more relaxed and open, better able to converse with
us. And finally, they are now more comfortable about making their own
mistakes too. 

 

Apply this to your own meetings and it will show the other person that
you are simply a human like them, capable of making a mistake. They will
then see the same to be true about themselves and will reveal
themselves more naturally to you.

 

2. Talk to other people about themselves

 
likeability, spy

People love speaking about themselves.
According to academic Robert K. Holz, when they speak about themselves,
their life, families, work and so on, the pleasure centers of their
brains light up as if they were eating food or thinking of money. So all
you need to do to make them feel this pleasure is ask them about these
personal things. They will really appreciate the opportunity to talk
about themselves with you. 

 

3. Relate a compliment from someone else

Giving compliments isn’t such a
straightforward business. It could be that you sound a bit weird, or
forward in directly complimenting someone, so that they feel
uncomfortable and unsure how to respond. A much more effective technique
is to relay a compliment you’ve heard from elsewhere. You could say,
for example, that ‘so and so told me you’re the cleverest person in
town.’ 

 

They will take pleasure from the compliment, but you won’t have killed
the conversation stone dead with a creepy comment. They will be grateful
to you for making them feel good. 

 

4. Be as sympathetic as you can

If someone confides in you about a problem
they have had, instead of monotonously saying: ‘oh dear, poor you!’, you
could do a lot better by giving a natural response that forwards the
conversation. The goal you want to hit is that you share their feelings
and are fully aware of what they are experiencing. 

 

There are innumerable ways of doing this, but they can be quite simple.
If someone has just worked their way out of a tough spot, congratulate
them and say you are glad they have been successful. 

5. Ask them for a favour

Perhaps you shy away from asking favors,
not wanting to impose yourself on others. No doubt you think this is
better for the other person than if you asked them to help out. However,
the reverse may be true. Ben Franklin originated the ‘Franklin Effect’,
which was the observation that people liked him more if he asked a
favor of them. People like you more because they feel better about
themselves having done you the favor. 

 

Because you are sticking to the goal of making them feel good, you have
to be careful not to overdo any one strategy like this. If you
constantly ask for their favor, they will eventually see you as a
burden. 

 

6. Try to get them to compliment themselves.

 

When offering compliments, one of the
problems is that people will naturally doubt your sincerity. They will
think you have some reason for being nice, and they will concentrate
more on the doubt than the compliment. Instead, try to get them to
compliment themselves, because in this case sincerity is not an issue.
This is a hard technique to master. Think about why the following
conversation works: 

 

Them: That was such a hard job that I’ve just finished! 

 

You: You have to be really committed to do work like that. 

 

Them: Yes, I suppose I am. I try to give my work my all, all the time. 

 

When you think about it, you only said one simple sentence, and they
virtually had no choice but to complement themselves. 

 

 



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