The year’s almost over and I couldn’t be happier. 2025 wasn’t the worst year but it wasn’t much good either. Overall 2025 wasn’t my lowest year but it was still low. I’ve been so depressed for so long I think I’m becoming numb to it all. I can’t remember the last time I was happy. I recently got a job and I’m numb to that too. I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t work out, so I’m not going to allow myself to get high about it. I have maybe three people that I would consider friends in the world. One is in California so I don’t speak to her much but when hang out when she’s in town, another is even more depressed than I am and is always miserable, and another who I’m always initiating everything. At this point I don’t think that I really have any true friends just people I vaguely talk to about bullshit.
Life constantly feels pointless, most people are selfish, empathy fading. Insomnia is constant. Everything feels utterly meaningless. Isolation, solitude is the answer, I can’t stand people. I get depressed and anger follows. Anger that I don’t have anyone or anything in my life to look forward to. Anger that I’m always a better friend to others than they are to me. Anger that even if something positive happens it’s followed by something negative. I hate this place and nearly everything and everyone in it.
I have to do things differently next year. No more wasting my fucking time trying to connect with anyone. No more reaching out to so-called flaky “friends”, no more dealing with people that are emotional vampires. No more dealing with people period.
I hope next year will be better but I know it’ll just be more of then same.
